Social Norms Can Go Flush Themselves
Social Conformity Reinforces Tribalism and Represses the Disabled
Since we developed the concept of history we have documented the troubles we have caused ourselves by our inherently binary nature. I am talking about our tendency to regulate ourselves by forming in-groups and out-groups. These binary groups are flexible, changing and we rarely think about who gets placed in what group. Some groups are based on instinctual, reactionary and automatic, associations; we learn that snakes are bad so that when we see or hear anything that reminds us of a snake we sense danger. Some of these groups are social and sometimes irrational. We make these connections without thinking about them, most of the time.
I talk a lot about disabilities as a disable person and an advocate. One of the biggest problems disabled people face is misconceptions people have for the capabilities of disabled people. Part of these misconceptions stems from over-simplification. People remember the worst cases, like Stephen Hawking with ALS or Michael J. Fox and Parkinson’s Disease, that people can forget the person’s accomplishments before, during and occasionally what we learn after.
There are two sides to this issue. There are a great many people who have minor disabilities but due to “guilt by association” they are treated as if they are so much worse off than they are. On the other side, there are people who are very accomplished who become severely disabled and some people appear to think that they will figure something out to compensate and be like they used to be.
The way things used to be, normal, expected and predictable. This is really what is oppressing people with disabilities. Throughout my life I have had many experiences which have shown me that normal is the most insidious myth we wrap around ourselves.
I currently live in a small home but I have also lived in apartments, a townhouse, a dormitory and even spent a few weeks living out of a tent. I have lived in large cities but currently live in a small town. I have worked with rich and famous people, but mostly work with people like myself who may never see a million dollars in their entire life. What is normal?
Normal becomes normal through repetition and stability. When I worked with the concert promotion company, normal became going to parties that served brie and champaign, nowadays that would seem strange to me. At that time, getting invited to Burning Man by Brett, then an agent at William Morris Agency, was normal. Now? I am so glad that I did not go because that year was more hot and dusty then usual.
People with disabilities, people of color, non-binary people and to some still women throw a wrench into some people’s idea of normal. Too many people surround themselves with people who fit into their same mold, who think like them, like the same things, share the same socio-economic status and basically almost never venture out of their little comfort bubble.
Here comes a disabled person and even if they share some or all of the other characteristics, people suddenly no longer know how to behave. Haben Girma, the first deafblind person to graduate from Harvard Law School, and Chad Foster, first blind person to graduate from the Harvard Business School's Program for Leadership Development, talk about the discrimination they face even though they are both highly accomplished. These two people graduated from one of the most influential educational institutions in the world, does that matter to some people? No. I have known people who would debate that they somehow had it easier than others. I speak from experience when I say, going to any university is not easy for the visually impaired. If you are lucky enough to get the materials and tools you need, still 60% of blind university students report having this very trouble, everything takes longer and require more work for a person who is blind and visually impaired. This is also saying nothing about instructors and the vision-centric instructional methods utilized by universities.
For a long time I tried to be like everyone else, or as much like them as I could but I have given up on that. I am different, I was always different and I always will be different. If that makes you uncomfortable, I do not feel sorry for you. It’s time to grow up.
Having a diverse population helps us all in society, at work, and in our social circles. New ideas and perspectives may shake up the way we think but that will ultimately help you grow as a person and may in fact help you live longer and happier.
If you would like to learn more about my work history and my attempts to have a career, you will have to wait for the book which I just started writing last week. I will not be talking about only the people who have gotten in my way. I will talk about the people who helped me along the way and the things they helped me learn.
Life is a journey if you want it to be or not. You have a few choices. You can either wrap yourself in sameness and beat on the walls like a spoiled brat when the world changes around you, or you could just go along with the ebb and flow of life as it eddies you around from experience to experience. My choice, however, is to grab the rudder and make an attempt to go somewhere. There most certainly will be waterfalls, cataracts, and predators but there will also be beautiful passages of calm, quiet and reflection.
Acknowledging that life has its good and bad moments, and positive and negative people, is my normal. Living with my visual impairment is my normal. My normal is also trying new things, experimenting, and sometimes being disruptive. Your normal is different and that is as it should be because there is no all-encompassing thing called normal.
This is why I say that normal is a myth.